Twilight and Shadow
by MeriadocTook
Summary: My first fanfiction - yippee! - on how the platonic love between Frodo and Sam came to an end. No major plot-twists, follows closely to the book, but written a bit differently; how I'd always imagined it. Please enjoy and pleeease review : !
1. Chapter 1

"I don't think I'll ever be able to accept that we actually did it, Mr. Frodo." Sam sighed, placing his right arm cheerfully around Frodo.

It wasn't a particularly cold evening, but the two Hobbits sat close nevertheless. They shared a pipe between them, looking down on the Shire from the small grassy hill upon which they sat. Their minds wandered in and out of different adventures, painless yet painful, hopeless yet hopeful.

"I remember the first thing me old Gaffer said to me was 'Where you been, Samwise Gamgee? The hedge is overgrown and has curled right 'round the neighbour's roses." Sam chattered to himself, smiling.

He looked over at Frodo, who he knew loved hearing about his Gaffer.

But Frodo wasn't smiling. A tear was rolling down his cheek.

Sam squeezed his shoulder, wondering how he could possibly cheer him up. Frodo had been like this since a week after their return to the Shire. Nothing Sam seemed to do could cheer him, not even this impromptu picnic he had suggested for just the two of them. He had even managed to persuade Merry and Pippin to stay home on their own, something they had not managed to do since their return from Gondor – they insisted that the four Hobbits stayed together living under the one roof at Buckland.

"Do you every wish -"

"Sam," Frodo interrupted, placing his hand gently on Sam's knee in a friendly attempt to shush him. "Sam, I think I'm going to move back to Bag End." He said.

For the first time in a long while, Sam was genuinely surprised.

"But why, Mr. Frodo? And how? I don't think either Merry or Pippin will be very pleased to see you leave, if you get my meaning."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Frodo chuckled, nodding. "Buckland and Bag End aren't too far apart. I'm sure I'll see them just as often as I see them nowadays."

"But why?" Sam asked again. He was more shocked than he perhaps should have been, criticising himself for not predicting that this was what Frodo wanted sooner.

"We need to move on, Sam. I don't intend to devalue Merry and Pippin's own adventure; I doubt I could have survived their perils as they did. But the ring. The pain and the exhaustion of the ring…" Frodo trailed off. "No one will ever understand." He muttered, instantly regretting it, for he knew that Sam would understand, or would at least try to. He himself had worn the ring for a time, so he knew better than anyone of its destructive power.

He had no need to regret it, however, for Sam had not heard. Sam was lost in his own thoughts, staring out towards the West, squinting his eyes, almost as if he was trying to look all the way out to Gondor.

Frodo offered him a puff on the pipe, but Sam merely waved his hand as a refusal. Frodo hung his head, picking a small daisy on his right out of the ground and staring at it sadly, wondering what to say.

"Bag End's a lot smaller than Buckland." Sam said finally. "I was trying to think where I'll sleep. I need somewhere to keep my gardening tools, too, you understand."

Frodo looked up in surprise.

"No, Sam, I'm not asking you to move with me!" he said incredulously.

"Well you're not going on your own." Sam replied stubbornly.

"Really, Sam, it's not that far -"

"No, Mr. Frodo." Sam said, standing up suddenly and turning around so that he was face to face with Frodo. His face was solemn and determined, as though someone had challenged him to a battle. Yet when he spoke, his voice was choked as though he was ready to cry.

"'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' I don't mean to, and I never will. I'll go wherever you will go."

Frodo let out a great sigh, standing up now also. He hugged Sam tightly, far less than willing to let him go.

"Alright." He said quietly, picking up the basket of apples which Sam had brought with him, and began walking back to the Shire.

Sam trotted after him, refusing to hide his content in the slightest, a broad smile sweeping right across his face, triumphant.

"Now I wonder where Mr. Pippin and Mr. Merry have got to. At the Green Dragon, no doubt. I've said it before and I'll always say it, they drink much too much…"

Frodo smiled, for the moment contented to be listening to the simple chatter of Sam behind him. Yet his heart was heavy, for though the dawn was still a way off, what was to follow was slowly becoming clearer to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam swung open the doors of Buckland merrily, his head swirling, hardly bothering to properly form the words of the song that came tumbling out of his mouth, much louder than was appropriate at that time of the morning.

"Sleepy Hobbits!" he cried, his yell echoing throughout the corridors. "Wakey-wakey! This is no time for sleep! There's a party to be had!"

Despite his own proposition, Sam stumbled into the nearest chair he could find and fell instantly into a deep sleep, yet the noise that his snores created were more or less the equivalent of his singing.

Merry stumbled sleepily into the room where Sam slept, rubbing his eyes and yawning. The wooden floor was cold underneath his feet, and after seeing what all the fuss was about ("Samwise Gamgee, drunk?!" he had exclaimed), wandered dreamily into the kitchen to put a hot pot of tea on a fire.

Frodo had come in after Sam, much less drunk, in fact, hardly drunk at all. He wasn't in the mood for drinking. One generally isn't when their mind is so occupied that it hasn't even got room to think about drinking. He now sat opposite Sam, watching the wall vacantly.

He could hear Pippin, who had been woken by the singing Sam also, chattering sleepily to Merry in the kitchen.

It wasn't long before the two Hobbits came to join him, sitting on either side of him, watching Sam unsurely.

"I've never seen him drunk, before." Merry yawned.

"That's probably because every time he drinks, we're already far more drunk than he could ever be." Pippin chuckled, taking a sip of his tea, and then yelping upon realising how hot it was.

Sam woke with a start.

"Mr Frodo? What's wrong? What happened?" All these questions were asked in such rapid succession and so quickly – before he had even opened his eyes – that none of the Hobbits present knew what was asked.

"'Wakey-wakey! This is no time for sleep!'" Pippin mocked grumpily.

Sam bit his lip.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Pippin." He said, his voice genuinely full of remorse. "I'm paying for any upset I've caused you, if you get my meaning, I feel so sick." He said, clenching his eyes shut for a few seconds before reopening them slowly. Frodo chuckled.

"I told you not to drink so much."

"I was that nervous, Mr. Frodo." Sam smiled back. "She's a one in a million. Though I don't think that there are a million Hobbits, leastaways not in the Shire."

"'She'?" Merry asked.

"I told Sam that we should move on. We should _all_ move on. Well, we were at the Green Dragon, and Rose Cotton was working the taps. Sam and I agreed that we'd both find a lady and, you know…I thought that maybe if we all really got properly settled, it would be easier to move on from…" Frodo stopped, unable to find the words. "From…well, from what happened." He sighed.

Pippin nodded empathetically.

"We know what you mean, Frodo. But I don't think marriage would be the right step for me. I'm settled here. Merry and I were even talking about travelling back to Gondor for the birth of Strider and Arwen's child – and oh how I long to see Faramir again!" he beamed.

Frodo smiled back.

"I wasn't suggesting that we all suddenly get married. Though Sam has got a good understanding with Rose."

"She's beautiful, Mr. Frodo." Sam sighed dreamily. "I can't put it into words."

Merry grinned.

"You already did. 'There's a party to be had', you said. Well, it seems we're all ready for this party."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam stood proudly at the altar, glancing sideways to take in the beauty of Rosie, who stood beaming beside him in a flowing white dress with green lining.

He then looked at the hundreds of faces which were staring cheerfully at the two Hobbits, waiting for the kiss that would seal their marriage officially.

Sam wrapped his arms around Rosie, pulling her in for the kiss. Before he did, however, his eye caught Frodo.

He sat on Pippin's right, only half smiling, his eyes sad, knowing, and yet knowing what Sam could hardly guess at. Since their night when they had agreed that they should both get married, he simply seemed to get sadder.

A sudden heaviness fell upon Sam's heart, and he hesitated. He turned his eyes to look out across the landscape hanging almost like a picture from the canopy under which he now stood.

"Is this really what you want, Samwise Gamgee?" he asked himself, frowning. He knew that if someone had asked him a month ago (by the Shire calendar reckoning) what he planned for his future, this would most certainly have not been one of his ideas.

He now looked miserably at the people who had attended the wedding, who all looked back at him in suspense, though what they all were really looking forward to was the food provided at the end of the ceremony. Sam found that he hardly knew any of them.

Strider and Arwen could not attend as the birth of Arwen's child was drawing nearer, and neither she nor Aragorn wished to make the long journey from Gondor to the Shire in such a delicate time.

Legolas and the Elves were in Lothlorien, attending the annual gathering of all the Elf folks, and therefore Galadriel had to abstain from attending too.

Gimli had received an invitation, though had not arrived.

The only real friends who Sam could now see were Merry, Pippin, Frodo, of course, and Eowyn and Faramir, who stood at the back of the gathering, aware that their difference in stature made them stand out sorely, and so they had agreed with Sam that after the service they would begin the long ride back to Gondor.

No, it was not at all how Sam would have wanted the first day of the rest of his life to be. And yet when he turned back to look at Rosie, who gazed at him with large, adoring eyes, he knew that his future could be no different.

He kissed Rosie then, quickly, yet seemingly long enough for the gathering to erupt into loud cheers of 'hurrah!' and other such exclamations.

And yet when Sam looked back at Frodo, who was clapping harder and more passionately than any one there, Sam could have sworn that there was a wistful look in Frodo's eyes.

The celebrations passed late into the evening. Sam yawned, wandering about the Green Dragon in search of Frodo. Some Hobbits had remained behind to help clean up the chaos which had been created that evening, one of whom was Frodo. Yet now when Sam searched for him, he could not be seen.

He had seen Frodo leave briefly earlier with Faramir and Eowyn, who had left shortly after the huge cake had been distributed amongst the Shirefolk. He realised now that he hadn't seen Frodo since. Although at the time it didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary, now that Sam thought back on it, their goodbye was long and heartfelt, and Sam could even recall wondering whether he had seen Faramir crying, although he didn't take any notice of it then.

He shrugged off this idea, sure that the once Steward of Gondor wouldn't cry over such meaningless goodbyes, when at any time Sam would be more than happy to straddle a horse for both he and Frodo so that they may ride to Gondor together and see them again.

Although this wasn't particularly true, anymore. He couldn't just up and leave as he might once have done, and once did. He was married now.

Rosie had gone home early to spend one last night with Farmer Cotton before moving over to Bag End with Sam and Frodo.

Sam sighed, and continued his search for Frodo. He found him outside, sitting on a grassy knoll, smoking the pipe which he and Sam had shared only a few months ago on the hill looking over the Shire.

He walked over to Frodo, coughing to make his presence noticed, so as not to startle the solitary Hobbit.

"Well Sam, my lad, what a day! Congratulations!" Frodo said before Sam had even had a chance to draw breath. He patted the ground next to him as a motion for Sam to sit down.

Sam did so.

"What a day indeed, Mr. Frodo." Sam remained silent for a few minutes more, building up the courage to say what he had been wanting to say to Frodo for a while.

He cleared his throat.

"I thought the idea was that we would both move on." He said finally. Frodo continued to stare off into seemingly nothing.

"What do you mean?"

"You said we need to move on. I have, I married Rosie, well, you know that…" Sam blushed. "And yet you've hardly looked on a lady since we returned. You understand, I don't see how that's the both of us moving on."

Frodo smiled, and yet said nothing, just continued staring.

"What about Marigold?" he nodded his head in the general direction of Buckland. "You know, Dingle Brandybuck's sister, Merry's cousin."

"We'll see, Sam." Frodo said quietly. He offered Sam the pipe, which was happily accepted.

"You'll see." He said, so quietly that even Frodo hardly heard himself say it.


	4. Chapter 4

"I can't believe it's only been a week since I moved in!" Rosie chattered away happily, plumping up the cushions on what was once Bilbo's chair.

Frodo nodded in agreement, finishing off his book by signing it, blowing on it gently so that the ink dried properly before he shut it for the last time.

"Rose -"

"And what a week it's been. I still can't believe all the stories Sam tells me every night before we go to sleep." Rosie interrupted, sighing contentedly before picking up her duster and going over every inch of the room.

Frodo tried again.

"Rosie, I need to ask -"

"Samwise is such a wonderful Hobbit. But you know that already Frodo, I'm sure. He was so sweet, when I suggested to him that we got married. The first thing he did was say no, he couldn't leave his master. Fancy that, calling you _master_ and all that as if you meant something to him that I couldn't understand." She leant over the chair which Frodo sat upon, and was starting to dust his book before Frodo pulled it away, crying out in protest.

"Rosie!" he cried. Rosie stopped her cleaning, her eyes widening in shock. "I'm sorry." Frodo said, his tone instantly softening.

"That's alright, Frodo. I haven't let you speak a word, have I? I've been that caught up in my own happiness. What was it you wanted to ask?"

"I wanted to ask you a really big favour." Frodo said, biting his lip and shifting from foot to foot nervously. Rosie raised an eyebrow in uncertainty. "I was wondering if I could take Sam with me for…well, I suppose it will only be a fortnight."

"Sam, leave?!" She cried out in dismay. Frodo nodded slowly. "I've only been married to him for a week and your already stealing him away!" she put her hands on her hips, but Frodo could tell that she wasn't seriously annoyed, she knew how important this was to Frodo. "Well, what for, if you don't mind me asking."

"Yes, Mr. Frodo. What for?" Sam asked, appearing from around the corner. Rosie laughed.

"And how long have you been listening for, Samwise Gamgee?" she asked. Sam blushed, looking at his feet, but did not answer.

"I want him to say goodbye to an old friend." Frodo said slowly, watching Sam carefully to make sure that he comprehended.

"Old Mr. Bilbo?" Sam asked. "He's leaving with the elves on the last ship to the Undying Lands, isn't he, Mr. Frodo?" Sam said this more to explain it to Rosie than to let Frodo know that he understood.

"Merry and Pippin are ready to leave as soon as you are." Frodo said.

Sam walked up to Rosie, taking her hands in his.

"I'll see you soon." He kissed her.

Frodo said nothing as he kissed Rosie on either cheek, before leaving to prepare a pony for the ride.

"Look after Sam. He's more of a hero than anyone will ever know." Was the last thing Frodo said to Rosie before he walked out the door and left.

Rosie watched in confusion as Frodo and Sam walked together down the path to the road, Frodo taking Sam's hand in his and smiling sadly at him.

"Now I wonder what he means by that." She said, and went back to her cleaning.


	5. Chapter 5

Pippin could hardly see through the tears that came streaming out of his eyes.

"Gandalf…" he sobbed, hugging the Wizard so tightly that he had to gasp for air.

Merry joined in the hug, before releasing Gandalf and just hugging Pippin in consolation.

"As Gandalf was like a father to you, Theoden was like to me. The wounds will heal, Pip. It'll get easier, believe me. It takes time to move on from one loved so deeply." Merry whispered into Pippin's ear, still holding him around the shoulders as they both fare welled Bilbo.

The four Hobbits watched as Galadriel, Celeborn, Bilbo and Gandalf all walked in a single line onto the ship, before disappearing below, Gandalf looking over each of their faces one last time before he too disappeared from their sight.

"What a look he gave you," Pippin said to Frodo, almost jealously. "I wonder what it meant?"

"It meant…" Frodo hesitated, and although he spoke to all of them, he turned to face Sam. "He meant that it's time." His voice choked with tears, his bottom lip quavering uncontrollably.

"'It's time?'" Sam repeated, wondering why Frodo was crying, grabbing his shoulders in consolation.

"I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me. It must be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them. You have Rosie, now. You've moved on. For the time being, Pippin and Merry are contented to be together. For me, Sam, for me this is moving on."

"But this _isn't_ moving on!" Sam burst into tears, his whole body convulsing with sobs. He felt as though his throat was closing up, and he gasped desperately for air, each gasp being interrupted by another racking sob. "This is moving away! And after so much…" He could hardly think straight, his head swirled, and his nose, eyes and throat burned. "After everything."

Frodo pulled Sam into a tight embrace, refusing to let him go even as he tried to reason with him as to why he should leave.

"It's because of everything that I have to go Sam. It was like I said, I feel as though if I stay, I go back into a dream. Oh, Sam, how could I ever go back to life before the Ring?" he whispered.

Sam was no longer aware of the great ship before him, or Merry and Pippin who were sobbing beside him. All he now saw was a great darkness, and in the midst of it all, Frodo was slipping away. He was losing him.

"I'll go with you!" he spluttered, shaking hysterically.

"No." Frodo said sternly, still not releasing Sam from the embrace. "You have Rosie, now. And one day you may even have a child. You can't leave them."

"I can't leave _you_!" Sam cried, his breath coming now only in short gasps. He gripped Frodo so tightly that it hurt, and yet Frodo said nothing, but continued to hold Sam as tightly and lovingly as he could.

"'Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee -"

"And you never will." Frodo finished for him, finally pulling away so that he could pat his chest in the spot where his heart lay. "Just like you said, you'll go wherever I will go. You may even join me, one day, when all you have here is gone. Though that is still a long time yet."

Sam longed to shut his eyes to block out the darkness that was weighing down his heart, but he knew that if he closed his eyes, he couldn't be certain that when he reopened them Frodo would still be there.

"You can't leave." Sam continued to protest. "Don't leave me." He whimpered.

He could have sworn that he literally felt his chest being ripped open when he felt Frodo's grasp on him get weaker, until he could no longer feel it.

Frodo went over to kiss Pippin, who had guessed at his leaving since his suggestion to move back to Bag End. He and Merry had had time to prepare themselves for his departure, yet they could barely uphold their composure as Frodo gave them each a kiss and a long, loving hug.

Merry clutched onto Pippin as they watched Frodo's face for the last time, turning back to Sam.

"You were meant to be one, Sam. Be whole." He said, kissing his forehead before giving him one last hug.

The world around Sam ceased to exist as he watched Frodo turn away from him, and began walking towards the ship. He hugged himself where Frodo had been only moments before, still hardly able to breathe.

Frodo paused on the plank, battling with himself over whether to turn back to see his friends one last time or not. Yet his heart could not allow himself to go through that pain, and he took a deep breath, following his fate into the hold of the ship.

Sam remained on the shores of the Grey Havens all night, his sobs seemingly relentless.

Though morning came and he found himself once again beside Merry and Pippin on his pony on the way back to the Shire, Sam refused to speak, or to even think about his direction. He barely cared to think about breathing in and out.

And so Sam's heart began the long journey to the Undying Lands, as his soul began the long journey back to the Shire.


End file.
